@deekizzle: I should really stop writing "lol" after "exercise" on my to do lists.
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@Jen_says_nah: My neighbour has diabetes and now she won't make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
@Christi_Q: Dating is hard because guys are like "You're hot, can we do butt stuff yet?" and girls are like "It's been 3 days, where's my ring?"
@iamburtjarvis: HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK: STEP 1: buy a recliner STEP 2: buy some beer STEP 3: stay home and watch tv instead of going into the woods
@sixfootcandy: Cable Guy: Can I come in your back door? Me: Maybe for free HBO. Cable Guy: Me: I'm kidding...sort of...not really. Cable Guy: