@ChefChas82: I should run for public office just to see the scandalous dirt they dig up on me. I would really like to piece together my twenties.
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@jonnysun: ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption
@5hael: Do you think it's weird that the only reason we still have landlines is so cops in movies can wake each other up in the middle of night?
@CliffDuffy: Me: I must warn you, I'm like an animal in bed. Her: That's fine by me! *burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*
@Cyd10e: Bad News: One of the side effects of your medication is death. Good News: Death pretty much cures anything.