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@SergioValenCo: I shouldn't have said that.
- Me. Whenever I talk.
@Procaffinator: Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping and the other third making viral videos.
@shutupmikeginn: Google glasses? No thanks, too much tech. It's weird
"You can secretly watch Netflix at work"
Oh, please take literally all of my money.
@jazmasta: "David you're late again!"
[cut to: me running on all fours through a forest chasing deer]
@envydatropic: If you arrive home, it's not a holiday, and your driveway is full of family member's cars, keep going.......It's an intervention
@Jacksawyerr: If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too.