@catlikethiefx0: I should've been a child star so I could've gotten all my working out of the way and been an accomplished drug addict by now.
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@wittwitbarista: Serial killers are updating their check list now for dumping bodies: 1) will this location be discovered by Pokémon players? 2) do I care?
@gigglegirlnoel: If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
@slimmy_shady: Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?
@RocketRankoon: I trick people that I know Spanish by quoting fragments of Spanish songs I know, la bamba.