@kristygee: I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question.
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@sexypitabread: I accidentally said "pastryarchy" instead of "patriarchy" and now I have a vision for a better world
@LADaddy: The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser. I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat.
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run.