@man_spach: I shut down my computer in the middle of an iTunes update and I think Siri just sent a Terminator back in time to kill teenage me.
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@JaySuch: My doctor told me if I was 5" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?
@msmollybee25: This bartender doesn't know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
@AimeeHelene1: CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement? Me: *pauses* (with Cheeto stained lips) *kisses paper* CW: Me: That's my signature.