@Jesssicle: I sleep with a water gun near my bed, in case of cat burglar.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *reclines* Nice Wife: I still can't believe you bought a used gynecological exam table Me: I can see the tv perfectly between my legs
@Parentpains: Sometimes you just need to reach out and touch someone. With a shovel. On the side of the head.
@Iloveearwormz: I hate people that sit with you for hours and don't speak, suddenly want to tell you their life story when you put in your headphones.
@Trustedshoe: Trainer: Run a mile on the track at your own pace. Me: Okay. *starts running* *halley’s comet goes by* *trainer dies of old age* *halley’s comet passes again* *the sun dies* *final episode of the simpsons airs* Me(almost halfway done): Halfway there!