@KenJennings: I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
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@redherringbear: Back in college, I used to hang a sock on the doorknob when I wanted to signal my roommate that I had no idea how to fold laundry.
@flashember: Meow meow meow [Wife comes home early] MEOW! *cats scramble to untie me from the torture rack* THELMA I TOLD YOU THE CATS HATE ME I TOLD YOU
@howe007: If you can start the toilet paper roll without clawing it like a velociraptor then you're a wizard.