@BangGanged: I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I'm not even married.
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@Adam14: Calling a girl "honey" is ok. Calling a girl "bee vomit" is not ok. I'm a relationship expert.
@MarlonBrandNO: [Trapped on a Island] *Message in a bottle* "Please send help!" *Gets message back, months later* "Linda invited you to play Candy Crush"
@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
@Underchilde: My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean out my desk as if he didn’t just see how lazy I am.