@BangGanged: I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I'm not even married.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@olerunkbitch: Made a weird face in the mirror this morning and I looked like Ted Cruz. This is my suicide note.
@TommyKarate: Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.
@Donna_McCoy: Sorry, I can't be around you today. The temptation to smack you in the face is just too great.