@MsNitnots: I smelled alcohol and got all excited then realized it was only hand sanitizer.
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@nbadag: PASTOR: and the lord said unto us—can u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that
@mattsurely: "I got you this for Valentine's Day." [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] "I think we should see other people."
@Ms_Moneypenny_: Who says you can't make someone love you? I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.