@MsNitnots: I smelled alcohol and got all excited then realized it was only hand sanitizer.
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@Ideal_Victoria: If I’m suddenly acting really nice to you, chances are it’s only because I want what you’re eating.
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day? Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
@Parkerlawyer: My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.