@Brianhopecomedy: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
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@wittwitbarista: My pharmacists won't return my calls anymore *snotty cries* something about no more refills. Quick someone sneeze on me! I'm lonely.
@BeardSpice: *walks into convenience store* "Excuse me, do you sell beef jerky" No sorry we only carry beef friendly *beef sticks start complimenting me*
@slyoung5: Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday. Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that.