@Brianhopecomedy: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mean_spice: Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef
@simoncholland: It's fine to eat a "test" grape in the produce section but you take one bite of a rotisserie chicken and it's all, "sir you need to leave."
@jordan_stratton: Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge.