@TommyKarate: I snort a lot of cocaine for a sober person.
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@WilliamAder: Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.
@badbanana: Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her.
@dhumann: Apparently, Walt Disney was a secret FBI snitch for 26 years so I guess you could say he was a rat who was famous for drawing a mouse.
@GinAndJif: "Dave's coming for dinner tonight." "Dave from work or Dave who misquotes Disney...?" [from outside] "...hakuna banana."