@Faptually: I sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month on eBay.
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@Book_Krazy: "Last call for flight 254" [Runs to gate] "You barely made it" [out of breath] This isnt my flight. I just wanted to tell you I'm a vegan
@UncleDuke1969: Him: I'm making you Produce Manager. Me: A PLUM assignment! H: ... M: You're a PEACH! H: ... M: Do I start today or TOMATO? H: You're fired.
@OhMattyBoy: I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn't be oppressed.
@stealingyergirl: [first day as a psychic] Boss: You're fired. Me: Man, I did not see that coming. Boss: And now you know why.