@The_JRM: I sometimes lie awake and wonder how much useful information I've left out of my brain to make room for these Hanson songs.
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@LindaInDisguise: I hope my husband never gets Alzheimer's but if he does, I imagine my favorite part will be saying "I gave you one yesterday."
@UncleDuke1969: Kids today have it easy! In the old days, before smartphones & Instagram, by the time we finished the painting, our food was already cold.
@IncrediblyRich: After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.
@daemonic3: [trying to impress fiancée's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- Oh I got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE "SUBTOTAL"?!?