@goofyrice: I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"
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@AnkCoupleTO: Her: I'm pregnant Me: WHAT? H: Just kidding M: You scared me half to death H: My mom is coming to stay with us M: *the other half dies*
@StephJoLanders: We are teaching children there is no "i" in team, but it's way more important to teach them there's no "a" in definitely.
@DothTheDoth: No one wants to talk about Dracula's defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact.