@Robski_Boy: I speak 3 languages. Unfortunately no one else in the world speaks 2 of them.
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@bigmacher: I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.
@SCbchbum: Seriously, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “You’re at Burger King.”
@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."
@theshamingofjay: Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then