@Abusitron: I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
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@PJisBeast: I used to sanitize my son's bottles and Lysol his toys. Then I caught him chewing on the dog's tail.
@Home_Halfway: BOSS: Okay, let's do this. What names are you pitching? COWORKER: Hannah Montana ME: Assapoopshits Massachusetts BOSS: Michael you're fired
@DaddyJew: "Welcome to money management. Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?" "Yes" "Excellent, never give money to strangers. Class dismissed"
@TheKenyan_: Ways to make your woman happy. 1. Cook for her. 2. Surprise her with hugs & kisses. 3. Hide a lion in her apartment then rescue her.