@Home_Halfway: I spent 2 hours at a gym looking angry with my arms crossed. The manager thought I worked there and gave me a raise
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@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
@MiddleageM: My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find "remember to NOT trust your wife" written on his forehead with a Sharpie
@ScottLinnen: Dropped my Ant Farm and now the rug is like the first 30-minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
@FeelingMervis: Give a man a fish, he can eat for a day. Give a man another fish, "Hey man where's that fish I gave you Monday? YOU ATE IT?! IT WAS A PET!!"