@PaperWash: I spent $500 on that Harvard application, damn right I framed the rejection letter.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Capt of Titanic: "Mayday! We are sinking" Coastguard: "What happened?" *Cthulhu makes throat-slit gesture with tentacle* Capt: "Iceberg"
@AnniemuMary: Two sales people approached me at the furniture store. I'm following the one who called me Miss. The Hello Ma'am one should take note.
@liv_thatsme: FIRST DATE Me *dressed from head to toe like Darth Vader* Him: Haha, are you dressed like that to celebrate the opening weekend of the new Star Wars movie? Me (in Darth Vader voice): NO.
@DaddyJew: Me: I'm gonna be late Boss: why? Me: *stealthily following a chicken after it crossed the road* I'm solving a mystery