@NottaBigDeal: I stand in the tampon aisle and when a woman reaches for a box, I snicker and say "you're gross".
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@EdgarAllanLo: My million dollar invention is a microwave that stops beeping when you yell, "I hear you!" from across the house.
@MazMHussain: Said it before but someone needs to start a rumor that Muslims don't eat donuts so that people will start sending those to the mosque.
@donni: Stop saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sick of fish seducing all our human women!
@OtherDanOBrien: [Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* "It's...an empty box." *silence* "Oh honey, I love it!"