@myles_morrison: I start every argument off with "first of all..." like I'm really going to school them, but my second point is always just name calling.
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@OBiiieeee: Cop: where ya headed? "the gym" Cop: im gonna save you a lot of embarrassment and arrest you "thank you so much, officer"
@Classy_Cassy89: 45 min phone call w/8yo nephew: Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula...
@moose_chocolate: I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.
@Dear_Booze: ME: "I'll have a rum & coke." HIM: "I can't serve you." ME: "Because I'm too drunk?" HIM: "No. 'cause this is a hardware store."