@myles_morrison: I start every argument off with "first of all..." like I'm really going to school them, but my second point is always just name calling.
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@dafloydsta: [bank robbery] "Todd, where the hell is the getaway car?" TODD: *zooming up on a Segway* FOSSIL FUELS ARE RUINING THIS PLANET, GARY
@ericsshadow: ME: have you seen my keys? WIFE: check your pockets ME: nope [phone rings] ME: hello? CIA: check your other pocket
@The_MartiniGirl: Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.
@AndyAsAdjective: *takes long drag from cigarette* *stares off into the distance* *slowly glances down at hand* *lights cigarette*