@girlontapas: I started to go to yoga today and then I remembered that I could lie on the floor in my own house without driving anywhere.
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@AngelaEhh: When people say 'oh, you're still single?' I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married?' I'm popular.
@StellaRtwot: If an interviewer asks you: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" say "I don't know, did you see me pull up in a DaLorean?"
@shutupmikeginn: A dog is in my studio apartment and he keeps looking around for other rooms. I wish i was doing a little better too dude !