@Robski_Boy: I still get my 'drive-throughs' & 'drive-bys' mixed up. Which is the one where I have to take a gun?
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@UNTRESOR: Doctors just told me I have "stripper lung" from inhaling too much brass polish & if I go back to "JIGGLERS" again I'll die.
@JohnLyonTweets: Inmate: Did you bring a cake with a file in it? Me: *holding file folder containing cake photos* I may have misunderstood.
@BoogTweets: Dad: People overcome adversity all the time. Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen? Me: *never blinks again*
@Reverend_Scott: [I find a mysterious note in kitchen] "LEAF 1 MILLLION UNMARKD DOG TREETS N BAKYARD BY SONDOWN OR WE RELEASH PICHURES OF U PETTIN A CAT"