@BobTheSuit: I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
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@toujours_fab: My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response.
@JonnyStallone: If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in Jesus name amen"
@jergarl: "You're an idiot." -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word "HAY!" while pointing at hay for the millionth time.