@frankzulla: I still remember taking down that bullying 12 year old on the playground like it was yesterday. My Dad was so proud. Ah, to be 30 again!
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@goldengateblond: Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. "We know, dear."
@praisecheese: Me: I've invested heavily in hedgehog funds. You: I think you mean hedge funds. *opens door to roomful of hedgehogs* Me: Nope.
@myonlymizztake: I got a text from an unknown number that said "Game on." It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit.