@CakeThrottle: I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow.
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@RdrJay47: The only things certain in life are death, taxes, and forgetting my reusable grocery bags.
@LaziestCanine: [sprains my ankle] Doc: does it hurt when you put pressure on it? Me: Let me check Me: [to ankle] c'mon dude try it, it's only one cigarette
@soanim8ed: Why do prescription pills always say "by mouth?" Where else would people put th... Ooooooh.