@CakeThrottle: I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow.
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@goldengateblond: There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all "shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."
@findmydolls: It's cute that kids think they're safer with the light on, when actually it makes you more vulnerable and easier to spot.
@bobvulfov: why are bouquets only for flowers? why not a bouquet of hot dogs. or a bouquet of hot dogs with ketchup. or a bouquet of hot dogs with musta
@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run