@causticbob: I still see some of my ex-girlfriends. Well, not so much see, more like...watch.
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@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@iwearaonesie: Apparently when your wife asks you to get your toddler off your bed she doesn't mean knock him off with a pillow
@DanDoofus: Twitter is over Capacity! Well, so's my liver but you don't see me slowing down because of it.
@teenpuke: do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify