@causticbob: I still see some of my ex-girlfriends. Well, not so much see, more like...watch.
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@moose_chocolate: Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident? Is it possible to stab someone non-violently?
@ShutUpThatsWho: HOT GIRL AT WORK: I saw Death Of A Salesman last night & I really loved it ME: [trying to impress her] I've murdered 7 pizza delivery guys
@TheBoydP: “What fruit or vegetable extract have we not said was good for your hair yet?" ~Shampoo developers probably