@causticbob: I still see some of my ex-girlfriends. Well, not so much see, more like...watch.
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@3sunzzz: Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack.
@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: Can I have some Oreos? Me: You have the flu. 6: I’m sick, not dead.
@Mr_Kapowski: 8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin Me: You were a very hungry fetus- Wife: Ok that's enough time with Dad for today