@_odlanyeR: I still think my biggest regret is asking a girl out, and replying "me too" after she told me she had a boyfriend
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@amazymay72x: 13yo: Mom, I need 3 current issues happening in the neighborhood. Me: How abo- 11yo: WEAK WIFI, BUFFERING, BAD DATA PLAN! ..shoot me now.
@noneofyours99: I showed my family facebook a few years ago, and haven't heard from them since. Best decision ever
@LostCatDog: Missed connections: I was the guy in the Subaru listening to NPR; You were the river I briefly considered driving into.
@badtweetist: *travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*