@_odlanyeR: I still think my biggest regret is asking a girl out, and replying "me too" after she told me she had a boyfriend
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@NoogsCorner: Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them.
@dlockw21: TSA: Sir, you can't bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight. Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest? TSA: ....
@Try2StopME: 90% of the men who cheat and get caught give bad name to the rest 10% who only cheat.
@chuuew: 911: What's you're emergency? ME: You mean "your"? 911: OK. So..? ME: Someone's murdering me 911: You mean "murdered" ME:.. 911: [dial tone]