@ohheyohhihello: I stole a friend's phone today and set it so it will autocorrect "I've" to "me've" and me'm really excited about it.
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@Book_Krazy: Hub: Let's go see a movie Me: Ok. How bout this one? *points* H: Why do we have to see a movie with subtitles? I didn't do anything wrong.
@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."
@ChrisRGun: I don't hate people for their skin, creeds or heritage. I hate them based on how fond they are of Minions.