@bourgeoisalien: I stop strangers from talking by smelling their hair & saying,"You smell like Pa. Pa loved his wood chipper. Never did find them drifters."
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@northcoastkevin: [gets pulled over by the cops] Cop: sir, you need to have 2 or more people in your vehicle to drive the HOV lane. Me: check the trunk.
@GuyAdvisor: Remember, Kids... If you can't say anything nice, well, it's probably hilarious and worth getting into trouble over anyway.