@bourgeoisalien: I stop strangers from talking by smelling their hair & saying,"You smell like Pa. Pa loved his wood chipper. Never did find them drifters."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.
@Toofpick78: Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right. Here I am stuck in the middle of this Batman themed children's party.
@jake_lach: I need to lay off the caffeine. My neighbor keeps complaining that I'm tackling her much more than usual