@KPsych29: I stopped fighting my inner demons; We're totes BFFs now.
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@Mish3l_Ali: Girls can be so ungrateful, I made her breakfast in bed, & instead of saying "Thank You", she's all like "How did you get into my house!"
@NotThatNixon: Praying that Donald Trump is really just Ashton Kutcher performing his most elaborate prank yet.
@omgthatspunny: Do you know why the Little Mermaid wears seashells? Because A and B shells were too small