@IamEnidColeslaw: I stopped going to the beach because people kept mistaking me for a corpse and poking me with sticks
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@joejwest: WRITER: A drifter & a rich lady fall in love WALT DISNEY: Can they be dogs? WR: A woman steals a couple's baby WD: Can the baby be 101 dogs?
@ericsshadow: Cop: license and registration. Me: I don't carry my drivers license so I don't lose it. Cop: where is it? Me: I have absolutely no idea.
@ItsAndyRyan: Satan's greatest trick is convincing you he's not real but there's a quality drop-off after that. No. 2 is pretending his thumb is your nose