@HousewifeOfHell: I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.
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@jonnysun: *sees sister's facebook post that her dog died* how do i tell her i love her & i'll always be there for her *clicks sad face button* perfect
@motorace177: I'm looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
@KeetPotato: honey, i think the milk's gone bad "i only bought it yesterday" yeah well, look at this.. *milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*