@HousewifeOfHell: I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.
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@InigoUnleashed: Making a frisbee out of bread. Let's see how those bloody pigeons deal with that!
@Thynebear: *walks up to bouncer* "sorry pal, this is a private country club" *peeks inside* [everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]
@KentWGraham: Given their destructive force to homes, kids’ birthday parties should get names like hurricanes do. Birthday Party Hugo.
@iGreenMonk: I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen window tinted.