@HousewifeOfHell: I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"
@100percent001: If we both go for the last slice of apple pie at the same time, I will bury my fork in your throat.
@therealeatwood: They needed three Back to the Future movies so they could cover life’s three great concerns: one’s birth, one’s future legacy, and cowboy