@aaronnemo: I suck at video games. I mess up the character's life like I have my own. I played Mario today and he ended up $60K in debt and had 4 DUIs.
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@P1ssed_K1d: My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I still don't know how much she charges him though
@praisecheese: This fall on Fox: X-Files Babies. Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.
@MelvinofYork: Yes, I said I was sorry and that I'd do anything to win you back. But that was before you told me you needed a ride to the airport at 5am.
@QwertyJones3: ME: Hi I'd like to apply for a job as a contortionist "When can you come in for an interview?" ME: I'm flexible