@aaronnemo: I suck at video games. I mess up the character's life like I have my own. I played Mario today and he ended up $60K in debt and had 4 DUIs.
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@rpbateman: This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote "sexy" on all of his wife's friends' pics.
@MaraWritesStuff: I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone
@LuvPug: Waiter: Can I get you something to drink? Me: just cheese dip Waiter: .... Me: With a straw please
@daemonic3: "Dad, can I go to the renaissance festival?" ME: No, you're still grounded "No fair!" ME: Yes, that's what I said