@thereverendcink: I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now
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@krisv_723: Birds do it & no one bats an eye. One time I shit on a windshield & suddenly it's arrests & psych evaluations.
@InternetHippo: EARTH: Let's just be friends MOON: Ok I understand [circles the earth for 4 billion years]
@wickedsuga: Just found a pill in the bottom of my purse. Have no clue what it is, but I'm real excited to take it and see what happens.
@MollySneed: [tv announcer] Are you bloated? Tired? Unable to enjoy the activities you once loved? [me with mouthful of chips] YEAH