@TheTweetOfGod: I support traditional marriage between a man and one of his own ribs.
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@TySmithdrums: Imagine a drunk porcupine trying to sneak into bed without waking his porcupine wife but his porcupine wife put balloons everywhere.
@moxieblogger: I pet my dog and she started to purr. Thought I should lay off the drugs until I realized the cat was sitting behind her.
@ThingsJackDigs: Baptisms were invented by a guy who had to explain why he was caught trying to drown a baby.
@noog: Mirror mirror on the wall, can I call you Jim or something cuz I'm not saying mirror mirror on the wall every time. That's just ridiculous