@seamussaid: I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains
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@davidgrossTV: When I tell you I butt-dialed you, I'm not saying it was an accident, I just want you to be impressed.
@korryduke: Do you smell smoke? I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.
@0point5twins: "I bumped into your wife yesterday" "Oh, where?" "You know the café opposite the S&M club?" "Yes" "Opposite that café"
@Sean_Burgundy_: Leave everyone stranded at a bank robbery to play laser tag when you're the get away driver and suddenly no one is your friend anymore