@ColoChiver: I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
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@jwoodham: I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
@hythemafia: Man goes to a Doctor. "Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts" "Does it burn?" "I don't know, I've never tried to set fire to it"
@bourgeoisalien: When I die, I'm donating my body to the theater department. Any jerk could donate their body to science. I can't wait to be a theater prop.
@NotChuckBarkley: Everyone saying "Poor Steve Nash, he got hurt again". POOR? That boy making $9,701,000 this year. If he poor, then I'm skinny.