@Underchilde: I sure get a lot of compliments on my people skills for someone who flips off 10 people every day.
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@caperbc75: "Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You're getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!" - the Abdominal Snowman
@iamspacegirl: "And then the Bears mauled Goldilocks to death and ate her, reminding us that home invasion never has a happy ending."
@NYC_Blonde: You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job.
@buhsbaby_baby: Autocorrect just changed "carnie" to "catnip" and now all my friends think I slept with a bunch of catnips last night.