@LarryNow: "I sure hope Pitbull and Nicky Minaj do an album together!" - said no one ever.
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@geraintgriffith: "This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing." "What's that Sarge?" "Someone's building a pig."
@bobvulfov: DRUG DEALER: what'll it be man ME: *wearing a wire* some drugs please [at the surveillance van] DEA AGENT: did he just say some drugs
@ruraljules: Relationship status~ Siri saw my browser history & now she isn't talking to me either
@JimmerThatisAll: Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.