@LarryNow: "I sure hope Pitbull and Nicky Minaj do an album together!" - said no one ever.
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@shawnspree: To catch a woman, one must think like a woman. *places glass of wine, and Channing Tatum dvd on mouse trap
@ItsAndyRyan: "The N stands for number – so no need to say 'PIN number'. "Terribly sorry, I'll start again: 'You're dead if you don't give me your PIN'.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap
@Buncahn: [boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount