@snowmedia: I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that's what all my pants are now.
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@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
@TheMichaelRock: God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history. Me: I'll show myself out.
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.