@lovejulieacafe: I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read.

@NotthatAdamWest: On this day in 1969, the 1st episode of Scooby Doo appeared on TV, beginning a golden age of teenagers getting high in the back of vans.

@Los01001111: My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.

@fatherofcomedy: My friend likes going out.Recently he went out of his mind.

@Tylerosis: There's only two types of people in the world; people who think they can categorize everything, and people who are not morons.