@tayandmae: U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg
Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good
@ThRealBallsDeep: Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends?
Siri:*shows me my Google search history*
M:Good call.
@kumailn: "Look slightly worried." - picture advice from The Singer/Songwriter's Handbook
@Dawn_M_: [lying in bed after sex] my dad hit someone with his minivan in 1989.
@UNTRESOR: If you cut off a mommy blogger's head she can continue mommy blogging for up to three full minutes.
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