@TheDairylandDon: I swallow at least one note per meal that says "we're all really proud of you," in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day.
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@AbbyHasIssues: I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
@TitansHomer: My wife started clipping coupons to help me save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
@BartenderMB: My girlfriend said that sex is better on vacation. That wasn't the postcard I was expecting.