@DirtMcTurd: I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
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@corysnearowski: In 5th grade I had to do a report on Ben Franklin and my parents interpreted it as me liking him so my 11th birthday was Ben Franklin themed
@PimpBillClinton: Last night I finally slept with a woman who has a Coke bottle figure. Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
@Book_Krazy: [Dinosaur Rap Battle] We're gonna win this for sure! "Wait, what kind of dinosaurs are we again?" WE'RE RAPTORS! Jesus Christ Owen
@2questionable: Most googled search terms today Before the eclipse: How to make my own cereal box viewer? After: How to tell if my cornea is sunburned?