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@kjmeow: I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
@TheBoydP: Well well well, if isn't the girl who gave me cooties in third grade...
@nPhelendriqal: Nice try, cheese graters, cheese is already great.
@qwertying: Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
@AimByWhiskey: Her: Your c**k is small
Me: An RV is big until you park it in the Grand Canyon.
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down.
Cop: License & registration, please.
Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers?
Me: Look underneath them.