@kjmeow: I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
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@SamuelHLowe: Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?
@iamburtjarvis: ufo crew: why are we hovering? ufo captain: i wanna pet those dogs ufo crew: why not land? ufo cap: those talking monkeys are annoying af
@AKcrazy18: I got sent out of class today at school. The teacher yelled at me, "What would your parents say if I called them?' I replied, "Hello?"