@kjmeow: I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
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@TheToddWilliams: [Emergency Room] MRS. PIÑATA: Will my husband make it, doc? DOCTOR: We'll do what we can but *slurping on sucker* he's lost a lot of candy
@JohnASinclair: I'm gonna have a secret lair that consists of toilets and sinks. It'll be called "John Sinclair's john and sink lair"
@novicefather: You'll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar. Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies.
@DanMentos: ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing