@BrainFumbles: I swear to god, the next car that cuts me off will be driving in front of me.
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@Eatingmeals: The women at the club tonight are so unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
@SteveSuckington: Fun prank: 1: steal your married friends phone 2: change your name to "Brandi from the club" 3: call them repeatedly and hang up at 3AM