@Shock_Monster: I swear to holy hell, Aunt Pat, I would rather lick a midget's taint than accept your invitation to play Lucky Slots.
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@GreeneyedManiac: I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.
@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
@brennadine: Pavlov's bell, but it's me reading an email that I think says winebar when it's actually webinar.