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@WittySassBasket: I talk a lot of shit for a girl with a blankie.
@Book_Krazy: [Couples Therapy]
HER: He keeps pretending he's a doctor. This relationship is dead
HIM: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:26
ME: OMG SEE!
@qwertying: Do you think the inventor of the USB will be buried twice?
The 2nd time because they put him in the wrong way?
@mrjohntofu: Gift cards are another way of saying, don't spend this on dope.
Because dodging your own family wasn't enough.
@rickolantern: The worst is when you're on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going