@jackiembouvier: I talk like a sailor in front of my kid. He's gonna swear anyway and I want him to be good at it.
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@neiltyson: There’s just no way around this one: YOU MATTER, unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared, then YOU ENERGY.
@jazmasta: Dear iPhone, I have typed "haha" like a million times, but yet you continually give me "haga", "hsha", "gaga", "hahss", "hahs" I hate you
@WilliamRodgers: Dr: Smoking weed causes memory loss Me: How? Dr: It just does Me: What just does? Dr: Smoking weed causes memory loss Me: How?
@jergarl: When I was a kid I used to ask my my papa... "Whatcha doin?" Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.