@charliedelta7: I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
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@Playing_Dad: 6am. 4 runs into bedroom, jumps on bed repeatedly. "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY! WAKE UP! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! WE'RE GOING TO LET YOU SLEEP IN!
@copymama: I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.
@bobvulfov: [cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer